It’s always just “happened” for me. I’ve never searched for a relationship. It has just happened.
Back to back. Which is also why my relationships have always been longer then 2 years – because I have never been searching for it. I’ve never been in little 2 months relationships (we aren’t including middle school…. !) I’ve spent nearly the last 8 years in a relationship. Only 3 (including my current one).
It also made me start wondering, why? Why aren’t these working out? What went wrong? Is it me? That is when everything started to click together to answer those questions.
I have learned a lot in those relationships. I have learned about myself and what I know I need for myself. I have learned about my own toxic traits, and what toxic looks like in other people. I have learned what is acceptable and what isn’t. I have learned that no matter who you are with, you will not find a perfect person. I have learned that broken relationships will remain broken if you focus on trying to fix the relationship instead of trying to be aware of your bad habits and behaviors, and fixing those.
It starts within yourself.
If you can’t learn to be understanding, kind, honest, trustworthy, a good listener, etc. to EVERYONE, then you damn well won’t be able to do it with your significant other. Or anyone important in your life, for that matter. Discipline.
I have learned that my decisions can’t be decided based off my own emotions. If you make decisions from your own emotions, you will fail every single time. You will never better yourself. That is facts. It is so hard, I struggle with this ALL THE TIME. It’s a commitment to yourself and to your significant other, to everyone in your life. Be passionate about life and the things you do, but keep your decisions based off logic. Not emotions.
Love is a commitment. Man, let me say that again….. LOVE IS A COMMITMENT. RELATIONSHIPS ARE COMMITMENTS. Relationships with your girlfriend, boyfriend, best friend, friends, etc. They are all commitments. A “romantic relationship” with someone doesn’t disqualify it from it still being a commitment.
Example: working out… it’s a commitment. It’s not always easy. You must put in the effort, every single day. Commitments = effort. No matter what it is. Put it into perspective that way.
I don’t think people truly understand this. I think this is an extremely hard concept for people and I blame society for that. I blame society because they’ve created this idea that relationships are easy, and if you find the right person, then it’s easy. Every day, all the time. So now when things get hard, people leave. They leave. They make a decision based off emotions, not logic. Do you see the cycle?
Then it happens again in another relationship.
Let me break it down in another perspective for you – did you get along with your parents or siblings every single day of your life when you lived with them? (or are still living with them). Grandma, grandpa, aunt, whoever it was that you lived with. No. You haven’t.
Why is this any different for a significant other? We are so quick to point out bad things in relationships. Society has us focus to much on bad things. You see a bad thing, BAM. Toxic. And you leave. Have you taken a second to look at your own toxic traits? We aren’t perfect. We all have toxic traits, toxic to someone. Don’t expect other people to perfect. Expect effort and you will see growth.
Now…. we aren’t going into the topic of abuse. That’s entirely different then what I am getting at. So don’t group that in. Yes, there are situations that are too toxic and you must get out of. But this conversation is more in reference of petty disagreements and arguments that may be a constant thing and again… there is always a line to that. But you must understand where that line is drawn, and only you can draw that line. But I think before you draw that line, you better make sure you are aware of your own bad habits and traits and make sure you’re in clear before you start creating expectations for someone else and vice versa. My line is effort and growth. If I see effort and I see growth, even if it’s in small increments, then I am okay. We are okay.
There are so many things I could go on and on about.
I am just so tired of seeing failed relationships (over and over again) because everyone is looking for perfection. Whoever it may be. Stop looking for perfection, and start looking for growth.
Healthy relationships begin with yourself. Always. Both sides of the relationship have to realize this. Again… effort. That is the line. Effort = growth.
Commitment = Effort
Effort = Growth
Growth = Healthy and happy you
Healthy and happy you = healthy relationships
Break the cycle. Break it.